Just a few minutes with yourself and your thoughts

I am like you. I have been through internal struggles, but still haven't lost the capacity to laugh, throw around some jokes, and basically have a jolly good time. I'd rather stay focused here, right here, in the now, where every word I am typing is flowing from my heart, because I want to share and because I care. No No, that was a bad unintentional rhyme. One of the things I always wanted to talk about (and have referred quite a few times here) has been about challenges of meditating. I wish I could close my eyes and transcend, but no, that does not happen, and guess what, in a way, I do not want it to happen that way.


But, I dug curiously to find out why exactly my mind could not stand still, and what truly was meditation.  After sweating profusely (hey, not in BO way, but mentally), I realized the more I sat down to meditate with the intentions of zoning out instantly, the more I took myself away from a peaceful state. I mean, everytime I sat down to meditate, I only focused on meditating like its "supposed" to be done. Not realizing, that I was putting this unnecessary pressure on my mind and my breathing. Ok, I hear you say, Why didn't you figure this out like wayyy before you started?? A caveman could figure that Shivika! Well, lovelies, it ain't that easy.
Tons of books and journals talk about the powerful effects of meditating, but none really get into the "what should be the correct few steps for beginners" and "what are the harmful effects if not done properly." For instance, why should you not think of yourself as a 100 year old yogi and suck on the meditation soul or why you can get a headache while coercing yourself into meditation, etc.
Therefore, I learnt, that by just closing my eyes and letting things be, I am meditating indeed. Although I can still hear the heater buzz or someone on the floor above me throw a ball such that the ceiling belts out this rolling rrrrrr or that I am still thinking of an embarrassing moment that happened like 10 years ago, I am still meditating because I am staying with  my thoughts and observing them. Its not easy, but I am working towards self discipline and genuine expectations. So, today, as I sat with my eyes closed and open heart, I thanked for all the good people, things and experiences in my life that have made me the type of person I am. I visioned a hand descending from the sky and blessing me, patting my head and saying "you are getting there" and ofcourse there were soooo many distractions, but I brought my attention back to the hand, and continued with my gratitude. I also got distracted slightly with this issue at work, which I am most anxious about, but then that's tomorrow, so I dragged my thoughts to gratitude in the present moment instead of worrying about tomorrow.
That's it. I did this for 15 minutes  only and loved the focus my mind was in. See, simple! Please try it at least once before you decide that its not for you. Spending just few minutes with yourself and your thoughts will do wonders, I promise!


Hugs!


{beautiful image courtesy: H.Koppdelaney}