Sunday, March 7, 2010

A piece of my childhood

Yesterday, the loud ring of our land line phone woke Kartik and I up at 7:00 am. Truth be told,  I hate receiving calls this early because it usually means there is some news. Now, I do have relatives in India, but I know for a fact that they wouldn't call me this early - I mean if its something that's kinda' important, then I will probably get an email first and perhaps an afternoon call. So, back to this 7:00 am call. On the other side were my dad and mom, talking,  but my slow mind couldn't make out a thing. I asked them to repeat themselves in my hoarse morning voice, with my eye lids still pasted shut. Then, as the words started to become clear, my eyes started to open up because of a heavy flow of swelling water waiting to pour out. Much like turning on a dam.

It hit me in two seconds that I had now lost my grandmother, my lovely Biji (dad' mother). Why? How? What? Why? Why? Why? That's all I could think of. Why did she have to go? Although she was far away from me, in India, I knew I was always surrounded by her blessings. It's as if her loss has taken away a piece of my childhood with her. I fight back swelling tears as I type this because its sad to lose my childhood, and it even sadder to lose my Biji.

She died exactly five months after my Bauji, and the pain is just immense. I miss them both. I miss them so much that it hurts in the center of my heart. I hope know their souls rest in peace.

Biji, thank you for all the love you gave Shikha and me. I saw your struggles and witnessed such a strong woman in you. Hey, I even took some resemblance to you - especially with my jet black hair, which mom used to say with somewhat pride, "exactly like Biji." I am proud to have been your granddaughter, and your love never ceased for any of us. I know you were sick for the past couple of years, and I am sorry I couldn't take care of you the way a granddaughter should, simply, because I found excuse in my busy life here in America. I know you will forgive me for this. I love you and I really really miss you. Thank you again for all the love, and those massive hugs you gave me every time we met and oh, ofcourse, those sloppy endless kisses.

I miss you Biji, I hope you are in a happy place, and smiling down on us, standing next to Bauji.

   Biji and me in Indian in March 2009 

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