Saturday, October 3, 2009

My Dearest Bauji

Ram Ram Bauji*,

I cannot tell you in words the pain inflicted on me with your departure to the Heavenly Abode.
I got woken up at 3 in the morning by a frantic call from mom, who announced to me in very very sad tone that I haven't heard before that "he is gone, no more" and I just blanked out. Yes, I remember when I heard these words echoing from the other end of the phone, my eyes still groggy with sleep suddenly began to pour and my emotions went numb. After like 10-15 seconds when I regained myself, I realized that this cannot happen, no it definitely cannot- how can you leave, go and be no more just like that. Nooo, my heart and eyes screamed with sorrow that shook me to the core.

Bauji, I love you and miss you so much. Like a slideshow, all the memories of childhood now flash in front of me - how you made breakfast for Shikha and me in the morning, how you wrapped us in your gigantic blanket-shawl when you stood by us waiting for the school bus during those cold winter mornings, how you always told us to focus on God and doing the right thing. There is no one like you and it hurts sooo much to know that I will never hear your voice again. It hurts real bad.

I wish you a very happy after life and pray that God takes care of you in the bestest way that you truly deserve. I know you are happy where you are. I do, however, would like to apologize for anything I said or did to you that hurt you but because you were my dear sweet Bauji, you never said anything. I wish I could turn back time and hold you in my arms, hug you and tell you that you mattered to my existence, and to our family. You guided me in ways that no one can. You touched not only my life, but lives of so many people, who felt better human beings because they illuminated by your knowledge and guidance. I do not know how you took out time to do this, but you always called and checked on everyone to make sure they were doing fine - always.

Shikha and I really miss you Bauji -- our heart aches because you are not tangible anymore, we cannot touch you or call and speak to you. You are a dearest memory - something that we can only recall and visualize, but not touch. Yes, that really pierces our hearts with pain Bauji, and leaves it with a deep hollowness that cannot be filled.

Forever your obedient and sincere grandaughters,
Shivika and Shikha

   Bauji and me in India, March 2009

*Bauji: Grandfather

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